Monday March 7th 2011

          I started this day looking like a mortician with my black on black n chipped black nail polish. I didn't mean to dress myself in that, that morning but i seem to have dressed my body with the color that fit my mood's spectrum. Last night I fell asleep crying on my brother's shoulder. I couldn't get myself to my own bed. I found myself hugging a pillow and marching towards his bed. One moment he was holding me, the next i was sobbing ever so lightly. I swear i barely made any noise i didn't even shake, yet he knew. That's the way it has always been between us. Or i guessing tears can be heard hitting a pillowcase.  I only had three hours of sleep that night but it was one of the most relaxing sleep experiences i ever had. And though i woke up in a black mood, it was not related to my precious hours of sleep that night, of that i am assured.
          I'm glad i write anonymously here, i wouldn't admit to crying myself to sleep to almost anyone. I do have this image of the tough independent person i need to keep. I have to stay solid to those who use me to anchor their lives. I just told my friend to try be happy and then told her that i don't practice what i preach. At least i don't have to pretend much for her sake like everyone else.