My friend and i tend to theorize about physics theories in terms of layman terms. Well, that would be putting it kindly to what we talk about when we get together. If i were to be totally honest about how the conversation turns out, i would say we pervert physics but our perversions are all for the sake of humanity.
Tonight on the phone while discussing my academic status and my hopeless hopes of finishing the degree i started four and a half years ago, we came to discuss mechanical energy and how similar it is to professors in our university. I believe we have come across an incredible find perhaps even worthy of a prize of some sort for it will change the view of physics for ever.
To start, my friend uses the premises that professors are like those creatures in monsters inc. who have to satisfy a daily quota and in the case of professors it is of student misery. Professors are powered on this misery and if you look closely under a professor's desk by the end of the day you would find a glass jar full almost to the rim with a viscous dark liquid. Think of this liquid as the fuel that powers the professor and allows him to function for the next day. It is what makes him get up early in the morning and all he thinks about as he drives his new car through the throngs of morning traffic; his precious bottle of misery-juice.
Now we come to the analysis of this precious liquid. This liquid originates from the average Joe who happens to have the misfortune of going to university while dealing with other issues of life while having an un-robotic mentality. The poor bastard is expected to maintain average performance no matter what but if he falls below that, he becomes prey, basically a hunted animal that's sole purpose is help fulfill the daily misery quota of any animal of prey and by that i mean the professor of course. And like any other animal or prey, the professor enjoys toying with the pathetic animal; the more its death is prolonged the better it will taste and the more its torture in prolonged the more precious misery can be distilled in to the misery jar. One may wonder how the professor may go about that and the answer is quite simple: Give the bastard false hope.
Think about it for a moment, as the student's hope increases in amplitude, his hope's potential energy increases, increasing the potential for more misery. The trick after that is make him crash even harder. Imagine his hopes so up high, hopes that one measly thing will actually work out but then in the split second it takes to read "Declined" on the dastardly petition his hopes crash down on him with the increasing kinetic energy toppling him and crushing him to a pulp. That there ladies and gentlemen is one hundred percent premium misery straight into that jar. In the presence of friction, like when the student is numb and no longer cares, potential for misery is much less and thus the more numb students a professor has the more the professor faces that danger of not fulfilling his daily misery quota. This is why a professor has to make sure he cashes up well and squeezes the last bit of misery-juice out of the students who actually care.
